talking of Michaelangelo.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
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// 10:30 am
After reading a story, I felt deeply impacted. Scared at my own emptiness and scared at . . . just - scared of something. Something stirred and broked my heart or something close to that.
The Guitar - by Victoria Duncan
"They say sometimes people die because they just don't want to live anymore."Read here:
http://www.myfilehut.com/userfiles/karrot/guitar.rtf
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i'm just tired. // 6:08 am
I'm tired of seeing relationships fall apart. I'm tired of trying to get involved but making things worse. I'm tired of being accused of stupid things I didn't do.
I'm just sick of seeing people hurt, people's tears falling for reasons not worth their tears. I'm just not happy that I can't DO anything about it.
I'm not happy that I make excuses when I make someone sad. When I pretend that everything is fine between me and a person when it's not. I'm tired of being the one who tries or the one who doesn't try.
I'm tired of not being able to finish my homework. I'm tired of having no time to read. I'm tired of everything.
Most importantly, I'm tired of lacking a passion that I want for God.
I'm tired of life.
Saturday, September 17, 2005
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when... // 11:06 pm
I realized that, when the people around me are sad, I become sad too.
I realized that, when the people around me are cheerful, I become cheerful too.
I realized that the people who I truly love are those I'd cry with when they are crying.
I'm thinking of one particular person. I know he probably won't read this blog, but... this is just dedicated to him in particular and all those who I love. Don't hurt anymore, 'cause I'm hurting for you.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
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love // 10:04 pm
There are people in your life who love you so much and you don't even realize it.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
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Fatigued // 2:03 am
School is exhausting. Starting with that statement, we can all deduct that I've had a hard day. Who hasn't? There's more and more homework and stress piling on and it feels like I've just had enough already. That's pretty sad. Consider this: there's approx 40weeks left of school including holidays and exams. I'm ALREADY tired.
There is a need to stop being so pessimistic and so whiney (if that's a word of course). Victoria kindly gave me
The Waitress of course, the next book I'm obsessing about after
The Nanny. Oh, how I wish I could just lie in my bed... and just read chick-lits all day. Or watch anime in bed with breakfast lunch and dinner served to me - in bed. These are fantastical dreams that would never come true - unless I marry someone who'd do that for me.
Sounds sweet actually. Other random thoughts: currently I wish NOT to do any of my homework in spare, which will make me screwed for later tonight. Let's just hope I won't be sleeping at 1am again.
Hm, I haven't seen my little chibi for the whole day. He is doing something very brave today. =)
Oh gosh, what else must I say? I swear I JUST had something cool to say! OH YES! Philosophy... wow it's actually a pretty humourous course. We learned something today called "second order questions". "So what does it mean when you say _ _ _ _" whatever whatever whatever. So if someone makes a statement. (Particularly a stupid one, or something you just don't want to respond to...) just say: "So what DOES it mean when you say _ _ _ _" (fill in the blank yourself.)
Sunday, September 11, 2005
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many things.... many things.... // 11:07 pm
There are many things that I would like to mention in this blog and I hope that I would be able to go through them all. If not, I probably forgot and it will appear in another blog. Therefore this blog with be very long. Just a warning XP.
Some of you may have noticed that I stopped writing in MSN lingo. (The previous post WAS in MSN lingo, but the post before the previous was more or less in some sort of sentence structure.) After much thought and contemplation, I've decided that the rules in the English language are there for a reason. Writing with some sort of sentence structure allows readers to have a clearer meaning of what I'm trying to say. Another thing that convinced me to do this is of course my beloved cousin Connie (who used to be my English tutor). Apparently, statistics show that the use of MSN lingo WILL indeed pull down English marks and DOES lower your IQ. Therefore, I will start using sentences and paragraphs.
After that ESSAY of trying to convince my reader to use sentence structure, I will start discussing another topic. Last night was a very eye-opening, perspective understanding experience. I talked for almost an hour with my cousin, whom I haven't spoken to in what seemed like ages. I asked her a lot of questions concerning myself, doubting myself, and feeling insecure about myself. And the things she told me... the things she pointed out to me gave me a completely new outlook. Using examples, she patiently guided me through solving, or waiting out my problems. At one point in the conversation as we were talking about my parents, I felt the urge to weep because I had never understood or... (lost my train of thought at this point) However, my point is that, she gave me a lot of advice, a lot of teaching and gave me a lot of understanding about where I stand in my spiritual life, social life (boys and such) and my family life. I am so thankful that I had this opportunity to speak to her.
Next on the agenda of thoughts is, something less serious
. I finished
The Nanny, which turned out to be a very, very good novel. A bit of light-hearted, jolly good book. Lots of funny parts, so I definitely recommend it to those who'd like a good laugh.
One thing I would like to conclude on is a little response to a reader's (heidi's) comment about my layout. I really put this blog up as a "summery feel" or most of it is concerning summer because I really miss my summer days. I miss sitting in the summer shade and I really want those days back. Another reason why this blog layout is very summery is because the song itself is called "Natsukage" meaning SUMMER SHADE. The song is very comforting and soothing, and to some people, it came as a form of a drive or motivation to reflect. That is why, the song really inspired me to make a matching layout.
One final thing: I am official messed for school because I have 7 homework assignments and I have not started on any. God be with me.
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new layout again ... // 3:07 am
again, very personalized... not even on the blogskins web... i was VERY inspired by the music to make this luvly piece...
the music is soothing, reflective and just... pretty.
this blog skin is ... a little more cheerful than my last one, and i hope thru this blog skin i will become a little more cheerful and more vibrant and lively.
in the process of strengthening, refreshing, mending friendships.... =)
comment on my tagboard please to tell me what i need to change about the layout...
Saturday, September 10, 2005
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so.... // 9:24 am
I'm supposed to be meeting the guy of my dreams......... quote mrs. lorimer in writer's craft class.
I officially frame that as my FAVOURITE course of all of high school. The first week of school finally came to a close with an okay session of history.... Being back is fun, but the amount of workload and stress is just not very pleasant at all.
So the weekend's finally here and i just wanna lie down in bed, stretch and read a book. Currently reading a hilarious selection called
The Nanny which is a very funny novel. I think it's going to be... very Sophie Kinsella like.
So weekend, here I come.... new challenges (like the mountain of hw or ...) sigh... yea nothing much more to say really. Have a good weekend everyone.
Friday, September 09, 2005
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natsukage: summer shade // 10:45 am
As i said in my Tagboard, I changed the music to this blog theme to "Natsukage" to indicate to you readers how much I miss summer. I detest grade 12. I detest being a senior.
All these years, I have somewhat yearned to be here. I yearned to be the at the top of the school. But now that I look back, I seem to like the security of having someone above me. I miss everyone i know who're older than me and attended the school. I want them back, so i dont have to be part of the oldest students in the school.
I look at myself and think: people look up to us now. Or, will people miss us... particularly - me when i leave? ..... will i still the someone they look up to?
Now that I look back at this blog, i realize, maybe these are not the thoughts to be thought now. Just be myself... be whoever I am in my heart, smile and enjoy my last year.
Calculus is very frustrating and that will be just another obstacle for me. EngLit better get a little more interesting...
I ADORE WRITER'S CRAFT! It's my favourite course of all time.
PS. thanks for everyone out there... who encouraged me and loved me for so many seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years.... i hope that the future will bring us more memories and joy.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
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school started... // 5:59 am
dont know whether to be happy about that or just plain pissed.
nervous for this year... but kinda excited. i woke up at FREAKIN 6:30 this morning cuz my BROTHER was running around the house bellowing his new catchphrase "dash in my name, speed is my game"
MY goodnes... NOT a good way to start the day. next thing on the agenda... getting all worked up cuz i thought i was late for school...
after that... i realized that seeing 4 teachers all year is NOT fun. the only good part about my courses is that i only have around 10-12 ppl in my class for most of them... which is VERY good =)
dum dee dum... what else to say.... OH YEA... ONE VERY EXCITING THING.... MY BEST FRIEND ANDDDD MY VICTOR CHIBI IS IN MY BLOCK 4 SPAREEEEEE..... EXCITING!!!! =)
look forward to having a GREAT year - quote the whole student council
(u cant say i wasnt disappointed at all that i wasnt up there.... but now i know what i want to do: DRAMA CLUB.... orrrrr.... perhaps..... PICCOLO flute choir?! ^^)
Sunday, September 04, 2005
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sadness and sorrow // 8:46 am
yea... it's a song from naruto, but it's also what im feeling right now.
overall- a horrible day today. matt came over to drop the calc book... and i was so SO sad... i dno i almost cried.... like i was super sad... ... sighhhh im gonna miss everyone SO much... like it's not even funn.... im so sad SOOO SOOOOOOOOOOO SAD....
then .. after watched like 3eps of RDOV ... after that went to sleeep... a NAP... my WHOLE family walked in... and WOKE ME UP. this is NOT funny. i was in a HORRID mood. and they DRAGGED me... literally DRAGGED me.... to ymca to WORKOUT. *screams with exasperation* ... it was NOT funny. horrible. horrible dinner. really sad, pissed, mad (add the stuff about the grads) it was just super bad.
then even worse: i rmbed during din that CHIBI is back and that we hav not met for the WHOLE FREAKIN SUMMER. can u believe it?! CAN YOU?! im so mad. SO very sad and sorrowful.
that's the end of my day. now im home. finally. and i am really starting to miss grads... really starting to ....