talking of Michaelangelo.
Monday, September 26, 2011
-
seeping // 6:04 am
My bad is coming out. Slowly but surely.
I'm not sure if I can let you be (my) constant. I end up taking things for granted. I'm moody and messy and worst of all impatient as all hell and take everything for granted. You'll hate it...
Blots of black ink, spreading on white cloth, fast.
I'm so sorry. I'm this way, and I don't like to be this way. Don't run.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
-
papaya marmalade // 11:52 pm
She takes out the colourful, glossy children's picture book out of her hand bag. Ordinary looking, but so full of magic and so full of her magic inside. So she takes it out with a smile. She reads it, absorbed, her own world, the book's world. Finishing, she puts it away, refreshed, ready again to face the adults, the adults being adults all the time. She has her little secret, her own little world.
I'm like her, deep inside. I wish I was brave enough to pull out one of my little worlds. Absorbed, everything else stripped away. Responsibility, obligation. She reminds me I don't need to be what I don't want to be. I don't need to say what I'm supposed to say. I could be, no, should be whatever I want.
Down below, the city continues to live on without me and my smile...
Only a few left now. Patience, child.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
-
please // 10:05 pm
Let me be free.
It is time now.
-
teach your granny to text and other ways to change the world // 7:25 pm
Dear peach tea,
Your fragrance makes me so happy.
Just wanted you to know that.
K
Monday, September 19, 2011
-
dance of the sugar plum fairy // 11:10 pm
Someone, (a painter, a lover of books and food and sensuality and laughter), said to me today, "If I had to work with any people at all, it would be children. Otherwise, I'd just rather be a recluse." I'm fascinated with people who love to hermit, perhaps because I see them in me as well.
On the contrary though, I want to have dinner with a really big group of people, all together, laughing, being loud and not caring. Not caring about a lot of things that should probably be cared about.
Moments today... caught myself floating a bit. Choppy day, many people, many things day. Many words, many thoughts.
Magnetism.
Hm, this one wasn't very good overall, I suppose the story did have some flow, but I felt like the words weren't as poignant. But still, it does deserve mention I guess, considering, I haven't really been doing much reading in awhile. Time, I need more of it.
"Without the light, no chance; without the dark, no dance. Which meant that even bad things did some good because they were a challenge and you didn't always know what good effects they might have." - Atwood's Ren from
The Year of the FloodI want to dance.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
-
child adult, adult child // 8:14 pm
Day to day things, swifering the floor a million times and still finding hair and dust, the burnt smell of ironing board, the terrible stoves, the failed steamed eggs, overspending... Settling now. There's a sense of motion though in a still place.
I wondered if my mundane would bore you, wondered if it would deter you from me, and I hope it won't.
Wish I could do nothing for some time and lie there and lie there and lie there......
Questions and answers, thinking and learning.
Optical illusions and zebras and scales and chocolate covered jelly.
Need some more magic,
need some more contentness;
need some more needlessness.
I look forward to each and every day but I don't look forward to the artificial smiles some people have. Perhaps I am still being naive but I feel as though I could call some of these people friends and I need to keep them close or the rest of it all will drive me berserk. Maybe I also need to be more cautious...
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
-
the monkeys and mrs. wishy-washy // 5:30 pm
Woke up next to a gorgeous cloud. The way the sun was shining on it, it was like a fluffy fire in the middle of the sky, floating, blimp like in motion. I wanted to catch it and play with it.
Woke up next to the sea, it was far away but it felt close and I felt good, though the sleep was no good.
Productive, sleepy day.
"So how much longer do I have to wait then?" asked the boy.
"More than a minute, less than forever." said the girl.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
-
stirring, blending something // 11:24 am
Living in many different worlds, it seems.
The dystopia of Atwood's fictional future scape. The endless suffocation of the faux reality my mother has created around me, the bubble of protection. The strange fake existence of me amidst my colleagues. The genuine laughter with others. Some happy, some mellow.
The gratefulness, the ungratefulness.
The plate before me, full of challenge, wonder, illusion, disillusionment.
Too full to let go, too emptied to take more.
Soon the busy will flood me.
What you have before you, you never appreciate.
And what is taken from you...
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
-
uplifting // 7:32 pm
The message is cheesy, but the lyrics are well put together.
I've listened to it many times and always like the lyrics, it gives me courage, makes me want to "stay true to myself" ha ha ha............
Goodness, it's so cliche.
我是誰 - Magic Power
我是誰 你是否常常這樣問自己
我是誰 總是活在別人的期望裡
我是誰 是誰又擅自幫你定義了
你是誰 只有不是自己才安全
為什麼 你以為這個世界很美麗
為什麼 你愛這個世界勝過愛自己
為什麼 這個世界不給你平等待遇
為什麼 到底做錯了什麼
朋友都說你太 太 太奇怪
在背後把你當成笑 笑 笑話看
每一個動作都被瞎猜
他們說你是個不能容忍的存在
你想要的很 很 很簡單
不過就是最普通的 的 的平凡
誠實做自己有時候很難
但是請你勇敢的試一次看看
無論他們又說什麼 閒言閒語無法傷害我
世界上只有一個我 沒人能代替的我
無論他們又做什麼 小動作無法打敗我
我知道自己是最美麗的
The most beautiful
會不會 上帝把你的靈魂放錯了身體
會不會 是故意整你不是不小心
會不會 你常常都覺得力不從心
會不會 堅持要做自己太危險
憑什麼 難道比較特別就是不對
憑什麼 先下了註解在認識之前
憑什麼 只不過想認真的活一遍
憑什麼 隨便就把人定罪
我是誰 這個問題困擾你多少天多少夜
我是誰 誰有資格決定你怎樣才是對
我是誰 我是誰我是誰
我就是我你就是你
認真做自己的人最美麗
Finally, things to smile about today and the days to come. I feel more grounded. My feet dipped, ready to run, ready to go. Calmer, less jittery. I feel the courage now.
Saturday, September 03, 2011
-
patient people and words words just words // 9:33 pm
Thank you for your existence. So many people today. So, so many. All too nice and patient with my idiocy and endless questions.
Double-decker buses and shining waters, like you're with the tides. Flowing with it, in it but flying above it.
Rain speckled windows, looking out.
Mountains looming one after another -
Inverse silhouettes against
the skyless sky, one stretch of monotone.
A bumpy ride out
A slow ride back
Remember to look up!
The mountains and the buildings and
songs of birds,
songs on birds.
A short walk
sprinkled with rain.
Keeping abreast with my own self.
walking, pacing, trying.
Breathing
Friday, September 02, 2011
-
things you think about on a taxi // 10:04 pm
The mother's preferred method of transportation is taxi. Hong Kong taxi drivers are always talking. They never stop talking. They're so bored. They talk about everything from appetiteless dolphins to Gravol and vomit. In fact, I think they inspired chat forums. The way they radio each other non-stop.
Dear D,
Don't give your love so easily. Though I much appreciate it, it's a really big word you give, this "love". How casually and easily you give it....
K
Eyes, eyes, eyes and ears.
I don't think I'll ever get rid of all the sand in my bag... and every grain...
I like laughter, I like it a lot. I like being in it, with it, engaged.