talking of Michaelangelo.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
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let's be fair // 4:44 pm
Do
not impose your idea or image of someone else onto me. I am not that person. I am my own and I am who I am.
Friday, October 26, 2012
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lift talk // 4:06 pm
Oh goodness.
It's way too awkward not to record. Happened like at least a few times this week. Seriously, what is this torturous activity. I think from now on I'm just going to take the stairs. It was so quiet I looked at my nails and stared down at my feet and and and and and then she tried to make conversation which didn't end .... and it was horrible and I didn't know if I should've kept going outside of the lift or not and I did and I was rambling and it was horrible.
- - -
On a separate note not relating to lifts, the rain today was so beautiful, it felt so refreshing and although gloomy, it was a breath of fresh air, like a lifted burden. I liked it a lot. I felt it and I was with it.
-
one of the reasons // 11:54 am
.... why I really love my boyfriend is
because he knows a world of random things.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
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wonder // 12:03 pm
I've been meaning to post this for awhile.
I actually finished this book a week ago.
There's never enough time for everything
you are meant to do or want to do.
From
Wonder by R.J. Palacio, Mr. Browne's precept:
"
YOUR DEEDS ARE YOUR MONUMENTS."
This precept means that we should be remembered for the things we do. The things we do are the most important things of all. They are more important than what we say or what we look like. The things we do outlast our mortality. The things we do are like monuments that people build to honor heroes after they've died. They're like the pyramids that the Egyptians built to honor the pharaohs. Only instead of being made out of stone, they're made out of the memories people have of you. That's why your deeds are like your monuments. Built with memories instead of with stone.
Built with memories instead of with stone.
It was a great read. Not gripping nor exciting, but just really real pictures and perspectives.
A much needed post on Igudesman and Joo to follow.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
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break in, break out // 11:08 pm
I don't want to live in this sort of rigidity of life; the inflexibility of time. Letting time become a constraint. Letting moments of rushing here and there trap me into this restless, unliving state. I acknowledge it is a blessing and privilege that I can do this, I know there aren't many people who can afford this kind of breaking out. But I have been pushed into a flow that I don't want to pushed into.
I go into myself and I come back out. I see time, and then I don't. Today is not a certain date, a certain season. Today is just time, flowing and unflowing and pausing as it likes. Tomorrow is more time, more flowing, unflowing. When I see is of no importance to anyone, when I wake, when I live when try hard, when I am in pain.
How do I express, articulate this feeling?
Sitting in the dark, listening to flow. Listening to time envelope me in its non-dimensional dimensions. You must go in to come back out. Today and tomorrow, I will not let it take me, I will not let the parameters that humans have placed on time to change this. The night comes, the day goes, there are no numbers attached, there are no jobs, no deadlines, no waiting for the next days, no coming or going of months. It is just living, just time that stretches, that is, that has been and is going on.
Unravel out into the night, out into the morning, there are no nexts there are no befores. It just is and was and always will be. And happening just is. It was all past and it was all future.
Stop counting,
Stop chasing,
Stop waiting.
Just be still, move with the flow and listen
and live time as it is.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
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try // 7:26 pm
Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try try try
Gotta get up and try try try
You gotta get up and try try try
Saturday, October 13, 2012
-
// 1:59 am
It hurts so much. I can't even breathe, it hurts so much. I can't do this. It's never hurt like this before, it hurts so much.
So this is it? Just like that?
...do I have to pick up the pieces again?
Oh... what have you done... what have you done to someone so good to you...
Oh, my boy... my boy oh... I miss you oh... how can it hurts so much like this.... it hurts.
-
friend from long ago comes back // 12:42 am
"It's up to you and how you want to see things, so just change the way you see things. You have to
let things make you happy."
It feels very nice to have pick-up-and-go friends.
Friday, October 12, 2012
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claustro // 7:55 am
Dear strangers in the lifts,
It's the fact that I don't know HOW to reply to you that makes me cringe from awkwardness for the whole time inside. It doesn't help that my head sort of naturally does this distortion thing where I don't remember what you look like after.
So please, don't make small talk with me in lifts........
K
Dear non-strangers in lifts,
Sorry, we're not exactly friends. We sort of just know each other. I just say good morning to you... or I have individual conversations with you about personal, individual small talk things. It's so awkward in a lift when there are 4-5 of us stuck in that place going 5 floors up... I'm sorry but the silence just makes me want to
SCREAM.
And when one of you do decide to start a conversation, I almost always mistaken that you're talking to ME and then I just want dig a hole and die in it if I responded and you were NOT talking to me.
Or, if, by the time I had taken all this courage and bravery and dragon-sized butterflies in my stomach to start a conversation with one of you we would've reached the 3rd floor and then we can't finish the conversation by the time 5th floor comes around and I don't want to linger outside the lift and finish.........
Cringe.
Help! I need elevator music.
K
Thursday, October 11, 2012
-
// 3:28 pm
I've always been a little bit more than obsessed with sharpening pencils. Especially with old school pencil sharpeners.... the ones you can turn...
-
elevator encounter // 11:15 am
Was in a lift yesterday holding some candy that I got from the store. A little girl ran up to me and tried to grab the candy straight from my hand at which point her embarrassed mother pull her away. Either my grip was really strong or hers was weak. She couldn't take that candy from me.
My friend called her an "uncivilized whelp", haha!
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
-
// 9:08 am
"On really romantic evenings of self, I go salsa dancing with my confusion." from
Waking Life
"...sleep walking through life or wake walking through dreams." from
Waking Life
I really want to see how a turtle sees. Must be a cool perspective. Been days of turtle observations. Tommy has a really long tail.
Tuesday, October 09, 2012
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choices // 10:28 pm
... to go right, or to go left?
... to play, or to work?
... to eat this, or eat that?
... to do the right thing, or do the kind thing?
Monday, October 08, 2012
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how selfish, how pretentious, how arrogant // 10:33 pm
Did you think it was the right thing to go and open this up once again for yourself. Let it all rush into you.
Did you really have to do this all over again? You knew what it was like.
I didn't mind being by myself you know. I really didn't mind. I was content and I could have held on to my solitude. But you had to go and trample all over that like you did to other things. Just go away. Go away from my memory.
Also, you. Yes. You. Why have you become snobbish with that. Show some respect. What may be poetry to your ears may not be pleasing to others. Don't elevate yourself to that kind of height. You look beneath you and you think you're all that. But many mountains are higher and you have a long way to go. Don't fall because you think you can handle the height. You are not
all that.
Sunday, October 07, 2012
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aaaarrrgh // 7:48 pm
My head hurtssssss.
Friday, October 05, 2012
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hmmm... // 9:33 pm
"When we read, we start at the beginning and continue until we reach the end. When we write, we start in the middle and fight our way out." -- Vickie Karp
-
// 7:50 am
I feel a sick in my bones and it's not rheumatism, it's this strange soreness.
I want to make it go away. My body hurts. Sore from lack of sleep, poor sleep.
I want to lie down....
Thursday, October 04, 2012
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city boy // 10:55 pm
Edward my city boy.
I'm so fond of Edward.
... so many people so many so many
but I still feel alone.
Monday, October 01, 2012
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babel // 10:39 pm
Language is so powerful. The differences of the intricacies of languages, their connotations, their rhythms and rhymes. Their specific connotations, impossibility of flawless translations. Fascinating. They're like esoteric pieces of art. Waiting to be solved, waiting to be changed and created, interpreted, made into poetry, made into music.It is an astounding thing to be able to comprehend languages, especially different ones fully.
Reminded of, "Language is fossil poetry." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
-
// 1:17 am
What is wrong with you?
Why do you have to do that to someone who you care for so much?
Why do you like the hurt the people closest to you?
You're a mess.
