talking of Michaelangelo.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
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An Interesting Turn of Events // 3:48 pm
Recently I stalked (for the lack of a better word) someone on facebook and found this interesting specimen of a picture that I wish very much to comment on. It seems like such a mellow art piece. The white tentacled faces crying out in despair, pain almost... perhaps bitterness. Such an expression of pathos, fading into the night sky. Disappearing amidst... Their shadows, lost, insignificant, unwanted. Then the tentacles become extensions.
Extensions of pathos...fading into the wind.
...and then the black little monsters. Such repulsive formless purposeless evil void little creatures. Emerging into the world. Emerging from an empty, ignored cry of pathos.
Dry grass grows from a bare, infertile wasteland.
Cold gray. With stars. Are they hope? Is this like pandora's box? Such evil has been released, such suffering! Such sorrow! And then... there is a dash of hope... also fading into the wind.
Perhaps the hope is the suffering. Perhaps without it, we would be less void. Perhaps, hope is the "eighth deathly sin" as Mattie described in Northern Lights (something I read several Christmas's ago). Perhaps... hope only corrupts and spoils us.
Perhaps a lot of things.
So let your emotions run wild and loose.
And through it all you will see.
You will see what you are. What are you really are.
What a picture.
The quality of my blogposts are going down.
There's nothing I can do. My emotions are not a fun ride. I lack words.
I am retrieving my silence.
Remind me.
I don't have to be strong all the time. I don't.
Friday, January 18, 2008
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I'm sick. // 7:22 pm
"Now is the winter of our discontentment..."
I.1.1 Richard III, Shakespeare
I'm physically ill.
My entire being is aching for sleep.
I'm going home tonight.
Feels unreal almost.
It's day 5 today and you've probably
forgotten my name already.
I probably never existed.
I was some passing, fleeting thought that is now long
long gone. (Enjambment.)
[Repression of emotions.]
I was reminded the other day of how much my life is like As I Lay Dying. (Simile.) Watching life pass by me, hm?
It will come when you least expect it?
Or do you have to fight for it.
Alas, your time is up.
Your reign over my emotions must perish, cease to exist.
This is detrimental to my progress.
Aside: life is so fragile,
death slips in as though... it were night.
With stealth it pounces from behind.
Though you expect it to come,
it comes timely... seeking to
numb such expectation and...
Look, the main point is.
I cry with you when you cry.
Rest in peace.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
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i lost it somewhere along the way // 2:24 pm
I left my heart to flutter in the wind. Now it's dried and shriveled up. I shiver every time I think I've left it dangling it dangerously and carelessly for everyone to see. I'm afraid someday someone will find it and step on it by accident. But I've hung it high up in the air. So they can only cook it and serve it on a platter. Too bad it'll be dry by the time they taste it.
The wind pierces me like a million needles.
The way memory digs into your skin and bones and every part of your body tries to escape, but it comes back nonetheless. It's etched. The cicatrices are irrevocable.
ため息飲み込む風の吹く帰り道 I swallow my sigh, I go down a windy road背中に翼が無い事を知ったあの日on the day I find that there are no wings on my backMy hair, my face, my heart have all blown away...
with the fierce, unforgiving wind.
我越來越覺得我的世界只有我可以來救自己。
我的世界可以好寂寞, 可以好空虛... 但是...
我還是覺得這樣比較好...
我這個世界不要人打擾... 不要人的安慰
只要做好自己的本份就算了...
愛? 算吧... 愛? 去死啦... 不管了。
我還以為... 但是我好失望。
我也懂痛的感覺。
The lake churns. I've always wanted to know how it feels
to be swept away by a current. It's all so cliche and ugly.
I hate it too. The world does not revolve around you.
If it did, you would've been drowning by now.
独りの夜に襲われても
涙を乾かすしかない
月も星も届かないから
人は手を伸ばす
心から笑える日々を
きっと見つけよう
How truly it speaks my heart right now.
「負けんじゃねぞ!」
你輸啦... 你已經輸啦。
還在裝甚麼。
好累了... 去睡吧...
明天還要打仗。
Who are we kidding,
I lost it so long ago.
'Cause I never even had it.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
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a plea for help // 9:41 am
In the year 2008, what is it that I want to change? What is it that I wish to create within myself. Who do I want to be? There's no more time. I need to sit down and think before I drive myself up the wall. The champagne for this year, it tastes bitter. It is not sweet, at all.
Resolutions for the Year 20081. Push myself forward academically, make progress through diligence and perseverance.
2. Learn to control my insensitivity towards my family. As well as cultivate respect for them.
3. Detach myself emotionally from
(I really don't know what I'm supposed to write here either.)4. Love my friends wholeheartedly, as they would love me; as they would listen, care. Be slow to make assumptions about my social group.
5. Find where my faith lies.
6. Watch the things I say.
7. Refrain from reckless regretting of the past.
8. Renew my lifestyle to a healthier one (eat less? sleep earlier?)
8.5 I'm copying Jackie's:
"before 12pm at least 5 nights a week".
9. Be content with who I am and who I have become.
10. Patience.
- - -
Now is time to run away, it's time to fly.2008 will bring new hopes, will bring new life.
My wasteland will grow flowers again, it'll grow a meadow
and grass, green and lush. My decrepit, dying wasteland...
will cry out in
a plea of help.Summer turned to winter And the snow it turned to rain And the rain turned into tears upon your face I hardly recognized the girl you are today...I hope it's not too late It's not too late'Cause you are not alone...'Cause when you feel like you're done... the darkness has won Life can show no mercy, It can tear your soul apart.But... ...we can fly fly fly away.Not essentially what
Lost by Michael Bublé is saying, but we'll take what we want from songs.
Have a happy, healthy and hopeful 2008 everyone.
