If you are a dreamer, come in,
If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar,
A hope-er, a pray-er, a magic bean buyer...
If you're a pretender, come sit by my fire
For we have some flax-golden tales to spin.
Come in! Come in!... for where the sidewalk ends. - Shel Silverstein

These fragments I have shored against my ruins. - T.S. Eliot

ren-ka // alias. karrot,kawun
dob.11.10.

I live in a world where
lobster and corn can be very
good friends.

. email .

i have known the eyes already
songs: Strokes
tvb: dinner at 8
kvariety: nil
kdrama: ryeo
twdrama: love O2O
anime: nil
book: Moveable Feast Ernest Hemingway
website: moonbeard
website: stumble
headache: the boy

about the layout
Credits to magnette from blogskins.com, mods made by me.
Lots of it is inspired by T.S. Eliot's Hollow Men and Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock.

- some depressing thoughts // 11:46 am

You know, most of the time I feel so tired of my life. Emotionally speaking. You know why? It's because of how I ____ ____ _____.

See? Even blogs are pointless, they're a way of expressing your most personal thoughts in the most public way so you make the most general statements and hope people worry about you and care for you. How pointless.

Even Solomon says so in the Bible. Everything is meaningless. I hate this. Go check out Ecclesiastes ... you'll know what I'm talking about.




- start of Christmas holidays // 10:38 am

I feel that it is necessary to comment on my love for egg. EGG-love.

Would you please excuse the HI-ness in my tone. bwaaahahahaha. life is a bowl of turkish delight. Christmas holidays make me soooo happileelee bwahahaha.

LOL. oh i am so in love. wallace my pretty white white. aaaah. in love in love. definitely in love.

Now for a bit of seriousness, I feel that in my life, I have many many blessings. Especially my best friends. My dear Clara Katrina and Jac I dont know what I'd be without you. Love you guys forever and more. you are all amazing people and even if you get pissed at me and lash out in anger at me I'll still love you. The sleepover was SO good. Boosted me up a lot. keep striving and trying girlies!

I adore sisterhood of the travelling pants. Couldn't stop bawling. I also adore Chronicles of Narnia. It is SUCH a good movie. Happy Christmas Eve.




- aah. i have reached the end. // 1:11 pm

The end of the world has dawned. Your beloved karrot girl will soon reach her end.

I FINISHED MY WHOLE PHILO HOMEWORK IN A MATTER OF 10MINUTES IM GOING THAT FAST. I'M SERIOUS. WOW. APPLAUSE PLEASE. STANDING OVATION PLEASE.

Guys, for Christmas, you can get me long white bands of cloth big enough to put around my head and write things like "FOCUS." or "I CAN DO THIS!" or "Karrot will ENDURE." or other self encouragement things like that.

PS. you can keep checking the list BELOW to see my homework progress.
PPS. will make christmas version of blu_dreams very soon. as soon as i have time to breath properly.




- commitment to self and world // 12:43 pm

I refuse to rest peacefully until I finish all of the BELOW.




- time of desperation // 6:42 am

Here we go with the mountains of work again:

1. Literature Circles 1-4 Circle4
2. History Research ISP Notes (15-30pgs)
3. History Research Biography Presentation
4. Writer's Craft ISP (Tribute, Essay, Writing Piece)
5. Writer's Craft Character Dialogue/Monologue
6. Calc Quiz
7. Philosophy Questions 1-3

Let's see how much I can finish this weekend! Oh jolly.

Must put white band around head like GTOs that says "GET WORKING! FOCUS!"

LAST WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS. I CAN DO THIS. AJA! AJA! KEHWIN WILL ENDURE! KEHWIN WILL WIN! AJA! AJA!

enough self encouragement. time to work.

- how utterly confusing // 12:46 pm

Today was such a strange day. In a good way.

Those prophetic robes were SO weird. And I suck SUCK. at reading out loud. I swear.

Sigh. What else to say. Oh yes. My response to Hemingway's The Sun Also Rises:
Why and how does Jake love her so unconditionally so... unsparingly... so... lovingly? How can he just... love her? Last question: Why can't I love and be loved like that?

Yes. I am finally done reading that book and it is pretty pretty good. I mean compared to Heart of Darkness... this has got to be the best book ever.

Kenshin = very good. I like it a lot.

Comment on my day: ... hm. Expressionless.

Praise God for a SNOW DAY TOMORROW!! God is so good. Now... if I just focus on my histo isp.... that would be fab.




- Sugar & Spice, Virtue & Vice // 12:27 am

Laugh out loud.

Life can be so good, and so bad at the same time.

Two Gear tests in a week can ruin you.

Except, I had SO much fun at drama yesterday re-watching the actual play that I didn't get to watch since I was backstage.

Laugh out loud.

Me+Clara+Melons=hilarious. hahaha. I can't believe we had the SAME reaction. Best friends DO think alike. HAHAHAHA. We turned around at the SAME time AND we thought SAME thing. The lighting in the room AND the beige jacket did it. Oh, we are so strange.

Laugh out loud.

So, life is so sour sometimes. I'm not allowed to wake up wearly anymore. Boohoo. Oh well, guess I'll have to like study while I'm permitted time to. XP okay time to go do some more Philosophy.

Laugh out loud.

Can't forget melons. Can't forget that beige jacket and that lighting. Oh and the hair. Hairy melons. Sigh. Can't forget melons. Can't forget melons.




- music changes // 10:42 am

more Christmassy atmosphere: kelly clarkson's My GrownUp Christmas List

Another song change: Joey Yung's "Chek Day Suet" - Snow
- very good song, but a bit spoiled by the DJ at the radio show... bear with it. It's a good song.




- untitled post // 9:07 am

"I realized I can't live without someone." paraphrased quote _____

Sad, but true isn't it?




- a very humbling experience // 10:52 am

Today I learned the art of of humility in many ways. I learned that if you loose, you own up to it and just let it go, because if you dwell on it, you will hurt.

Working so hard for the drama team behind the scenes was ACTUALLY very very rewarding. I loved ABSOLUTELY LOVED the play. Everyone did SUPER. Thanks Sonia, Mike, Connie, Janice, Josh, Raeanne, May, Francis, Kim. You were an absolutely lively, superb cast of characters. Thanks VicL. for being such a cool tech guy. Thanks for everyone who came to the play. Even though I put a lot of work into this, I feel that everything was paid off in the end. It was humbling to see myself in such a low position and working so hard. Thanks everyone for saying thanks and making me feel like I was part of the crew.

I worked so late lastnight and realized that my efforts may not pay off. Oh well. My feet are so sore from running around getting the props and stuff. I'm so tired. Emotionally, physically, everythingly. Pray for me.

You know what? I'm sick and tired of waiting for you all the time. Your reluctance and the way you try makes me angry. I am sorry that I can't stand it, but soon I will be able to cope. Hope you had the time of your life. Keep being so prone and soon everything will crumble. As in between me and you. It's time for me to stop trying and let you try.




- .S.I.G.H. // 7:08 am

Lil' ol' Karrot,
Got lost in her homework
And she knows she'll not sleep.
So tonight please pray for her
and hope that tomorrow she'll not weep.




- Today // 12:19 pm

Thank God for mercies and blessings. Like today. If I did not have a day off today I would have murdered myself long ago.

Thanks again Ad for giving me a good day. Harry Potter, Nuggets, Earrings = understatment. Shopping was funn... let's do it again sometime. (Oh and you didn't waste money. The earrings were superbly pretty.)

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire -
What to say about this... phenomenon. The Goblet actually looked less cool than the Tri-wizard Cup. Which was weird. Hermione Granger is SO pretty (as in Emma Watson). Cho Chang is too.... chubbily... homey... ish. (If they need a Chinese girl, they've got the perfect one right here! ME! *waves*)

But nonetheless the movie was... not shockingly good, but not shockingly HORRIBLE either. Harry Potter 1,2,3 movies were just disappointing, so in comparison, this one was NOT BAD. Maybe it was because... Cedric Diggory was EXACTLY the way I had imagined him while I was reading the book, so that added to my good-humoured-ness about this movie. Also, what HAPPENED to Malfoy, last time I checked, he was actually not badder than too bad-looking. Now he's just. BAD-LOOKING. P.S. I love the character of Madame Maxine.

Favourite Part? Definitely the scene where the champions brought their dates into the Yule Ball. It was stunning. Beautiful. Makes me wish PCA had a great hall that could snow and had the most beautiful ceilings. Makes me wish we were cultured enough to dance. Makes me wish I had a pretty dress and could feel like a princess and look like one and have hair like one. Oh, and the date part too. (I'd prefer one with hott-er dress robes than Ron Weasley, thank you)

- - - - -
Anyway. I am reading The Joy Luck Club for English. And it's taking me 45mins for every 55pages. This is distressingly sad because I know I can go faster and I know I NEED to go faster.

New songs from YoYo. She's such a sweet girl. Joey, Justin, Janice songs. Oooh! J-artists. Mwahaha. I love Chinese songs. ^^

Anyway. Adios for now my friends. God bless.

Countdown::THREE. DAYS. LEFT. YESSSH! oh, the rush of excitement.




- What in the World is Wrong with Me?! // 6:56 am

First I want to thank Adalia for listening to me shout and vent and be frustrated today. Thanks for being a friend that I can just drag outside and take a walk with any day.

Sometimes... I feel so alone. My best friends are ambitious, hard-working people and I love them to bits, but sometimes... I feel so void and empty when I see them all stressing together, working to get into their Sci progs, but me - I just sit in the sidelines and watch and cheer. You know, even though I don't envy their workload, sometimes I really feel... left out.

You know, I'm starting to feel like I coop myself up in my own house. I don't blast music. I don't do anything to free myself. I'm not permitted to break free from my own habits and.... things. I'm so tired of going through the same routine. Everyday. Nothing special, adventurous, fantastical ever happens. Ever.

And then there is the problem with him. Then the other him. Then her. The other her. Then him again. Over and over again. Then him again. But most importantly God. Then, all the hims and hers in my life. I wish to just... Breakaway. Okay I'm listening to that song right now, but that doesn't have anything to do with anything. Uh... I just wish to... run away from here. I wish I never tried, never met, never said hi, never DID anything. I wish I was a quiet one because it seems like quiet ones never have problems. (Which is SO completely untrue.) Where are you God?

Anyway. I'm done venting. Hope you aren't getting bored of my ranting.




- // 8:19 am

If pain can be prevented or avoided, then let it be through the action of the closing of eyes, the effort to shut the ears, stop the hands, walk away.

If pain can be prevented - then do so. Pain for you may be happiness to others. But to both prevent pain for yourself and to allow the other to be happy, this is the only way. Walk away. Do not hurt, do not cry for no reason. Do not be selfish. Let the other be happy, walk away and you both won't hurt.




- My To Do List // 6:43 am

One by one I will cross these out:

1. Calc - Understand Concepts _ do questions pg 204
2. Writer's Craft - Character (Dialogue/Monologue)
3. Writer's Craft - ISP (Memoir, Lifestyle, Imitation)
4. English - ISP (Log, Journal, Notes, Read Book One,Read Book Two)
5. English - Vocab Test Study
6. English - EssayYES! FINALLY!
7. Philosophy - OJ Simpson Case #1-3
8. Philosophy - Logic Test Study
9. Literature - Circle 3
10. Literature - Type all Circles
11. Literature - R.R.R.
12. Bible - Journal
13. Bible - Notes
14. History - (re)Sched Test
15. History - ISP Notes + Presentation
16. TA - Stockings _ stuff
17. TA - Mark spelling tests
18. Library - books w-a-a-y over due
19. Sleep
20. Watch Harry Potter, Geisha
21. Shop for Christmas present(s)
22. Go see a doctor about my wrist (excruciating pain!)

so there you have it. as soon as i get some crossed out i'll inform you. (by the way. worry not - not all the school related things are due by monday. worry not. worry not.)

Last edited: Dec. 9,2005

- what. to. say. // 7:45 am

Nothing to say except - I am very blessed. Thank you all you who embrace me even with my incompetence of being a good fellow human being.

Other notes: No comment about worship today.

Got fatter - ate a honey crueler + 2 sips of yummi hawt smoothies.

What else to say? Oh yes, one week left and then:
Geisha is out!
And So They Had None - DINNER THEATRE!
Yesh. Dec.9.... Dec.9.... we will now countdown.

Oh yes. Last Thing: TUESDAY IS A DAY OFF!!! w000000t!

Oh yes. Last Last Thing: music change_ by miriam yeung called "my most beloved"... but play on words of the word drunk and most.

sung bay ley geh (a gift to you)... listen to Ngor Dik Jeiu Ngoi from Cheen Boui But Jeiu




- And so, That was the End // 11:59 am

Today is December 1st! Did anyone notice?

I noticed, 'cause my month is over now. Sad? or Happy? No idea - I just know that Christmas is coming and teachers are piling work.

(re-)Reading: The Golden Compass

My wrist kills.

By the way, I feel loved. (by you... and you.... and... you... and you too... hope you guys know who you are... you should... i think...)

Me and Clar did the most hilarious thing outside room 207 today. haha I love you Cla.




- Tears and Lessons // 8:33 am

Thanks Katrina and Clara for teaching me that it's not the end of the world. You are inspiring friends to me, I love you guys so much. Thanks Jac for your care and always giving me your shoulder when I need it. Thanks Shaina for being Shaina. Thanks Heidi for always being available when I need help.

I learned a precious lesson. I cried. So what? Is it a sin to cry?

TA was hectic. I am never doing stockings in my whole entire life again. Count your blessings, because counting them is good.

last thing: a quote from 10thingsihateaboutyou. "But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all."

aaron.
alvsze.
dani.
helen.
jon yu.
kawai.
linda.
mike.
ness.
peas and duck.
sally.
sam.
steph.
twiggers.

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