talking of Michaelangelo.
was fun indeed.
I went with Sallay and it was quite an enjoyable experience... I wish I could just describe the atmosphere of the play to you... but I really can't, so I'll try my best. But it's an absolutely wonderful show, definitely worth watching. I've been using this word quite often lately, but the content of
is definitely really... unsettling.
It left me with some disturbed... troubled thoughts. I guess that's why the musical is good... it is really thought provoking. I shared this with Heidi and Sallay already... but I guess it's still on my mind sometimes...
was primarily about the Holocaust... which I didn't realize until the latter parts of the play.
It's actually taking a very personal and different perspective on the Holocaust actually, which kind of shocked me a little, to be quite honest. I guess I saw how relationships were torn apart. There is a main plot, but there are little subplots going on... And I guess the story that struck me most was actually Fräulein Schneider and Herr Schultz. It's really really sad actually because when I think about it... I wonder, can love really not trangress through boundaries of politics? Differences? If Fräulein Schneider really chose to be with Herr Schultz... what would the ending have been. How can she be so cruel to choose something she
she can hold onto (money? success? safety?) rather than...... love? Watching them torn apart by their circumstance makes me feel so... lost. Why did that have to happen? I guess my involvement with the characters have been carried too far, once again. Is it the matter of values? Why was that her choice? What if she chose the other path.... eventually would they be torn apart?
Why are humans afraid of risk? Is the fear of the unknown really... that cruel?
I actually had a really wonderful time this week. Just want to dish out thanks to a bunch of people (not going to state the reason... because you all probably know why I'm thanking you anyway): Ad, Sallay, Denny, Mike, Paulo, Karen Chan. You guys make me really happy. I just want you to know that you're all so special to me =).
I'm home now... and the mood is actually a little different. I don't know why, I feel so much more carefree talking to my parents. Have I really changed? My mom says I've changed a little. My dad says my skin got a little better. So I guess the Neutrogena exfoliant did work. (Not doing any advertizing here.) But I really love my parents. I guess I just don't say that enough. Despite being a hard shell, I'm actually a softie. I really do love my parents, and I didn't really realize that I missed them this much. Oh, confessions.
... actually, let me give you a quote. Oh, Herr Schultz and his fruits. How darling.
How adorable. 468!!
... with people I love all around me.
Let me share these lyrics with you...
a song from Hana Kimi... I think it's really sweet
and the tune is pretty catchy too.
... undertones of negative stuff brewing though. Calm before a storm? Let's hope this contentedness lasts. Feels nice. Really nice actually. The essay is still posing a problem for me, as it is once again: L-A-T-E. Busy Busy Busy. But enjoying every moment of it. The impending exams are giving me a feeling of apprehension that I can't seem to push out of my mind entirely.
But it's definitely not very prevalent in my thoughts.
Best get on with everything while it's still early.
I can't wait till practicum.
why I'm in ConEd.
, later.
-
move me // 3:27 am
The spring air has hit me.
It smells fresh, like there's regeneration...new life.
It's so beautiful, it makes my fingers tingle...
with cheer, excitement...
There's the burden of the essay but everything
still feels so... serene.
Currents of negatives, but everything feels
right.
It's almost like
The Piano... a movie that is
Rated R for its graphic sexuality
which I covered my eyes for... but the story was
so beautiful nonetheless.
The movie... had undercurrents
of... violence, oppression, aggression... but
it felt... strangely... right.
The strong, bittersweet music made it so
good.
"At night, I think of my piano in its ocean grave, and sometimes of myself floating above it. Down there everything is so still and silent that it lulls me to sleep. It is a weird lullaby and so it is; it is mine....There is a silence where hath been no soundThere is a silence where no sound may beIn the cold grave, under the deep deep sea."Such beautiful words.
Monday, March 26, 2007
-
random thoughts thrown together // 5:50 am
It peeves me a little that my god-brother gets to live out what I dream to be in 4 years. I'm so excited for him, yet I want time to go faster so that I will be where he is. JET is probably my biggest aspiration right now. Something that I hope to achieve. I will make it! I will! See
you in Japan indeed Kev kai-gor! I wish you all the best! =)
There are many things that I'm anticipating. The coming year will be exciting and packed full of new learning experiences, new environments, new loves, new addictions and most importantly, new dreams. This year must finish strong. Even though I have so much to catch up on, I'll persevere, because so many things have taught me to do just that.
I don't know why I'm doing self-reflection so early in the year... but all of a sudden it feels that the end is very near. What end, you ask? The end of many things. Yet, with endings come beginnings. Oh gosh, if that is not
cliché I don't know what is. But let's explore that a little bit - why are there always endings? Are they second chances? Optimism allows me to believe that there may be a little hope to second chances. So let the endings come, so the new things can change me.
I used to be afraid of change... now I realize it's inevitable. Nothing is going to be constant or stable all the time. So why don't we make the most of it? Let's embrace change... live it. Why am I ranting like this? This must be so boring to read. It's so
cliché. But anyway, I'm going to leave you with this:
While stories are overwhelming, let's take a step back... and admire the sublime of reality. What sublime you ask? The sublime of hindrances, desires, realizations, recognitions, nostalgia and most importantly, the sublime of kiwis. (That, was a joke by the way.)
I'm annealing.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
-
my sad pretty jasmines // 1:43 am
I'm supposed to be completing my final DRAM100 Assignment for this year but I'm distracted by my new found obsession for the jasmine flower tea that Connie has given me as a souvenir from her trip.
They're so beautiful... but trapped in a jar. It's so sad don't you think? I need to give them a proper burial.
703/1000 I'm excited because my Meoparrricofajatoozles buddy
might live with me =)
Here, obsess with me on this melancholic beauty. Everything is so overwhelming. Everything is so overwhelming.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
-
to do list... // 11:03 pm
...before I die:
- send a secret to http://postsecret.com
- hold (if not, then at least see) a kiwi bird
- go to Tokyo, Japan
- go to London, England
- go to the Great Wall
- eat durian
- jump into the lake @Kingston
- kiss my brother on the cheek (ew.)
- pay michael the money I owe him
- get drunk (of course when I'm legal)
- be in two places at the same time
(spoof of
A Walk to Remember)
- slow dance (in the moonlight?)
- get married
It's strange that I suddenly had an urge to do this. I guess this makes me think of all the things that are precious of me. Also because Jamie, in
A Walk to Remember, inspired me to do so. Alright, back to work.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
-
zero // 2:06 pm
Some good songs can be put on repeat...
and you'll never get bored of them.
就算愛得很累 我卻不會後悔
放下所有防備 一切都無所謂
逃出黑暗世界 開始新的明天
新的明天
Friday, March 16, 2007
-
words again // 4:58 am
lostaghast
abate
annoyed
fall
crawl
breakhold
be
live
worm
screamfeel
fleet
save
survive.
hiatus
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
-
ponder // 8:04 am
I'm through with being just another one.
I guess that's what I've been struggling with.
I don't want to be the second to anyone...
but most important,
I'm not ready to carry on so many pains of someone.
"I hate that more than anything - being part of a cliché."
- Memory Keeper's DaughterI live in stories and only stories... can you please let me live?
For real?
I guess that's another thing I'm afraid of. I don't want to be just any other fleeting memory. I want to transform, to change... be someone who people can admire.
From reading, learning, asking, talking... I've began to contemplate... what is my worth? How much am I worth? What part of me will people remember in years to come? I know how wrong it is to base my standards on the eyes of other people. But what is the value that I have?
My thoughts are flying all over the place... not settling anywhere at all. I guess that's what lack of sleep does to you. Overwhelming and maybe even daunting thoughts.
Is it really that hard to find someone who just understands?
When people in the future look back at us... what would we be defined by - the era of anorexic models? The era of lights, diesel, moving too fast, forgetting the past, loving the wrong things, meaning less and less what we say, seeking illusions... It goes on and on... and yet we can't stop it. We're just flowing with it. As individuals we can't even find ourselves, how will we grow into the next generation that knows how to create our society?
What ideals are we basing everything on?
Gertrude Stein defined the American expatriate era the "Lost Generation"... yet the more I think about it... the more it feels like, we are more lost. We depend on virtual communication more than anything else. When we want to express our most inner, deepest thoughts, we turn to an unrealistic source.
We are a generation where touch and love comes from mirrors, reflections... where reality is based on unreality... we are... truly the
lost.
You might be interested in what inspired me, please click:
Monday, March 12, 2007
-
let's entertain the ideas of truth // 7:25 pm
Obscurity, Inevitability, Probability, Impossibility, Necessity, Futility
... faith, or escape?
Ah, let me finish my philosophical essay and then I will enlighten you on these matters which have been pressing down on me.
I'm in a labyrinth of realization... of truths... of moral responsibilities... of death... of life... of air. And let's celebrate the fact that I often have no idea what I'm talking about.
Like... right now.
There are exactly 2 hours left. Ganbatte, ren-ka... you can do it!
Thursday, March 08, 2007
-
tabs. // 3:01 am
That title was completely random. Yeah, I don't understand myself either. Maybe it's because I'm standing at one of those posh computer kiosks right now with people probably glaring at me because I'm taking so long on the computer.
I feel like I'm blogging out of obligation rather than out of will. I suppose leaving my blog for a long while (has it been 2 days? or more?) make you readers think there's something wrong with me... since I'm such a talkative fellow. You know, I actually have nothing much to say =) I'm so tired. To be honest, these weeks have been... hectic and... exhilarating.
I just said that because I like that word. Exhilaration. I've re-learned, or more like re-felt what that word really means. I really have nothing meaningful to say right now. I really don't.
So if you really don't want to read on it's fine, because all I'm going to talk about is how I really have nothing to talk about. Can life really be simple? I wonder how many times my love for J. Alfred Prufrock has rekindled. The first stanza... never really stood out to me until Prof. Emmens really dove into it. If I were to take a course next year, I promise you, it will be for T.S. Eliot because he is a genius.
LET us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherised upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question …
Oh, do not ask, “What is it?”
Let us go and make our visit.Despite his mental-ness... I suppose. =)
Darn you Eliot, why do I keep coming back to you?
Why do you keep my mind wandering?
Why are there so many "overwhelming questions" that keep me uncertain...
about... everything and nothing at all?
Why?
... and what is that why?
How is it that my mind digresses so very quickly?
Sunday, March 04, 2007
-
on words // 2:37 pm
Well, that's a first... someone commented on my blog... and they said this: "It's like saying something and then hiding something like playing treasure hunt and you find a hint but don't know if it is leading you the right way." By Jove, what an interesting way to describe my humble little blog.
I sat on the bus late last night enroute to Toronto... watching the tail of lights on the road brandishing like a whip in front of the bus. We zoomed past millions of them in pairs. I don't know if I could call them beauty or... dizzying. They dance, when you're going fast.
In the dark, in the silence, in the driftings from in and out of sleep, I mostly thought about words. How beautiful they could be, how beautiful but dangerous. I remember last year when Lorimer taught us about how "the pen is mightier than sword" idea through Allende's story... I don't think that really meant much to me. But when I saw Dr. Faustus... I realized, you know... maybe there's more to words that we haven't really found. Words can either break you down... words can make you rise to heaven.
By simply words, we've built up society, laws, systems, infrastructures, bridges. What would we do without words?
Putting words together and manipulating them that's the greatest power of them all. Fire, water, air, life. Putting all these powers together, they lose... to words.
Because words can kill and words can turn you against your own self.
Am I really a paradox as some suggest?
