talking of Michaelangelo.
Friday, June 26, 2009
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I found him. // 6:58 am
He's the one.
T.S. Eliot.
I'm going to experience the places he experienced.
My heart is filled with this incredible anticipation... a sense of rush in my heart like suddenly my passion grew wings and was allowed to fly. I get to see this great literary figure as just a man. He was just a Londoner. My heart is racing towards my destinations.
I'm shaking as I type this. I want to cry... I have found his places. HIS.
I wish to sign my papers -
metoikos. I feel exactly the same vulnerability. The same unbelonging identity. He is my soulmate, Thomas Stearns Eliot is.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
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// 4:14 am
It's seriously been a year but everytime I watch it, I still feel my heart wrenching up. I still feel myself wanting to curl into a ball and crying.
Bleeding love.
Mark and Chelsea... their chemistry drives me crazy.
I want something like it. Even if it were a little bit like that.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
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passion // 9:30 pm
It's really all you need.
You don't need to show it. It seeps out of your every pore and every lift of an eyebrow and every tiny grin.
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vultures // 8:25 am
VULTURES!
Humans are an equivalent to vultures. VULTURES! We prey on dead carcasses. We prey on everything. We've turned into a society that learns to alienate ourselves. Humans are hard to deal with. I can't see the whole picture at all. I can't see anyone at all.
Lethargic. All I do is lie there in the courtyard in the sun in front of the castle ... and attempt to read sometimes.
The sun that rains down is very beautiful. The rays are warm and lying there makes me feel like I'm one with the ground. I feel earthy.
Roller coasters.
I don't know.
Traveling tires me, but I see so much. I'm learning.
Identity is still a problem. I just need to be myself. I just need to learn to be an in-between and accept that that's ok. It'll be hard to be comfortable and find myself in the zone, but I will ... eventually I guess.
"I guess you'll just need to find yourself without a mic in front of your face." - ET
Friday, June 19, 2009
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meridian line // 8:04 am
No post for the next couple days ... travelling to London and Greenwich!
Planning was stressful... but can't wait!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
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(emphatic) purcell, henry // 3:43 pm
:the 17th C Restoration Englishman who wrote The Fairy Queen and died at the age of 36.
Day 3
As you can tell, I made it to Glyndebourne opera house... an estate really where people go to do competitive picnicking and watch a great opera. In this case, we went to see the masque, or a semi-opera. It's a genre where it's a play mixed in with opera bits and dance and spectacle. It was fantastic... I suppose. There were some awkward parts and some jarring moments with the costume inconsistency but overall I got a great laugh from it. I digress unintentionally!
What I meant to say about the competitive picnicking is that people actually bring their lawn chairs, blankets, etc. etc. to do picnics in the VAST hills that the estate owns. It was a really interesting way to enjoy a music piece. The thing ran for 3 hours then there was a 90minute picnic dinner... or I guess they call it "tea" here. Then, it finishes off for another 3 hours or so.
It was a long operatic piece really with great long arias and recitatives. Lots of repetition of words and tones... which wasn't really my cup of tea but it was a rich experience. (And this was also the first time we had "standing seats" as in... we had only a space to lean on and stand.
Another really interesting thing was that we were in the final full dress rehearsal so... I was told that the energy would be really great, and it was!
Overall a packed, deliciously enriching day.
Did you know? British cars have their drivers on the right and not the left. It's just like HK (or I suppose HK is just like this place =P)!
Did you know? I find that British people are particularly austere about adhering to punctuality.
Heading to ASDA, a British Walmart and hitting a pub today! It should be interesting. First day of class- here I come!
P.S. Met more friends. They're greatly inspiring people. I enjoy their company and admire their intellect.
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OVERHEARD: // 3:32 pm
Person A: I think I'm a vampire.
Person B: ...like in Twilight?
Person A: No. Like in that I don't sleep you moron.
Person B: ...oh. right. I want Edward Cullen.
Hahaha!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
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escapades // 3:30 pm
Day 2
hoover = vaccuum
surgery = doctor's office
I suppose every day I'll post some British terms in bold and their Canadian equivalent next to it. It's quite interesting listening to Englishmen/women speak.
I'll share with you some insights I found on my day 2 here. It's really been a joyride. I met Prof. Fanning (and his whole family complete with two twin sons) here at the castle. His sons are completely adorable and I can't wait to get to know them!
Yesterday, while on a tour of the castle I encountered some thought provoking accounts of how this castle came about. Some evil, but powerful, rich family bought this place and made it look superficially like castle but... it's not really a castle, simply just a manor of some sort. The pretense and decor just displays their filthy richness. I can just imagine. Great - we live in some artificial fakeness of a castle, but it's actually just a brick thing that was impressive way back 400/500 years ago...
I don't know why but I slept at 3am last night and that's not a good sign. I'm really getting to know my floormates which is a nice thing to have that I didn't in first year. I don't feel the same detachedness and the same....hm, shall we call it "distance", this time 'round. They're such approachable people, but I guess we all just want to make friends.
We went on a garden tour (and I won't fail to mention those lovely peacocks I must say, they look AND SOUND very much like Kevin from UP).
Actually, a digression on peacocks: those things make the most hilarious sounds. They sound like... a human is mocking them. The birds themselves seem to be mocking themselves in human sounds. My floormate Katherine can make their mating call. She sounds EXACTLY like it.
Social interaction is highly difficult. Sure, I may seem like one of those social butterflies, but to confess - I really have huge identity issues. I close the door and I'm not sure who I am and so I tear myself apart and try to break everything apart... asking asking each piece of me which piece I am, or if I put all the pieces together, who I am...
Anyhow that was a bit emo... I'm listening to the new album of mushy wind (Raymond Lam Fung) ... and there are two good songs in it... so they're on repeat =P
I want to go to Fairy Queen today so hopefully I can make it!
Monday, June 15, 2009
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hello herstmonceux // 9:36 pm
Yes, I finally learned how to spell it! It's an accomplishments of sorts.
I'm alive after a long painfully sleepless flight. I hate trying to fall asleep but not being able to. I am so tired it's painful to keep my eyes open.
I'm like a walking zombie... all I want to do is die on my bed but I smell awful. The duvet doesn't look particularly clean either. When I have time tomorrow and I have everything set up... I'll be sure to take some pictures of my room for you lovelies. (Pause, I must go on a residence hall tour...)
Someone asked me in a plane letter why I was at the castle. Why I chose to come on this trip. I guess I can take the opportunity to do so now (it's currently 9:03pm UK time and time has elasped ever since I last typed on this same blog... I plan on resting soon.)
The answer now, after 5 digressions: I honestly don't know why I am here. It's such a great opportunity I didn't think I could pass it up. I still can't believe I'm here right now. I want an eye-opening experience? I don't know. I'm questioning a lot of my motives right now. But I suppose I'll find it in due time. I'm really lost as to why I'm here. I mean I could lie to you and say I'm truly here to study... or truly here just to travel or truly here just to watch my best friend graduate.... but.... really? What mundane superficial reasons. I need to find more meaning. Some greater purpose. There must be one.
I catch myself giving myself attitude checks all the time when I'm here. It's not productive. I need to learn to complain less about fatigue and complain less about things I can't fix and be more optimistic. Locking myself in a room typing in my blog is not going to help me get anywhere. (And yet I'm still doing so... it's quite self reflexive and.... let's just say hypocritical.) I hope tomorrow my attitude will be much better and that I will be more ready to embrace this beautiful challenge and opportunity.
On a happier note: I'VE MADE FRIENDS! One from Halifax which I think I'd really like to get to know and another from U of T who may consider traveling with me. We'll have to see.
Please look at facebook if you haven't already... there are some campus landscapes there that are worth looking at I suppose.
I'm beyond exhausted so I think I'll just hit the sack. More tomorrow.
P.S. I don't have class on Wednesday or Friday. What a great opportunity to travel. I hope to find some people to travel with and hopefully plan something great.
P.P.S. It's hard to admit but I feel some homesickness creeping in... that's not good.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
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preUK blues // 11:38 pm
After a ton of preparations for this trip, here I am sitting... 1. a ton of thoughts flying through my head 2. my mind spinning out of control (literally! I've been having spells of dizziness.... I really hope it's just the lack of sleep) 3. there are, believe it or not - butterflies in my stomach.
My cousin started her own blog to record her memories of a missions trip to Africa. I felt I should well-document this once-in-a-lifetime trip to Europe. (Whatever! Here I must permit myself to add in a bit of sarcasm because ...Europe? Pfft, like I'm allowed to go anywhere outside of the UK and Paris.) But of course this trip is less meaningful (if at all) in terms of impacting people. I suppose I am impacting me. Changing perspectives, my dad calls it.
Approx. 9 hours left until I'm seated on the plane and breathing a sigh of relief because all the prep work is finally done. All the yelling, the packing, the clothes throwing. It'll all be over. I wonder how am I still sitting here idly writing a blog as if it were any ordinary day. Though this day is not extraordinary or momentous in any way. Just flying. Just hoping for a safe flight.
I must say that I do feel quite blessed to have this opportunity (cliche as it is to say this right now). How blessed I am to have family sit by me for dinners and "send me off". Interesting dinners, both nights. Came home feeling bloated both nights. That wasn't the interesting part though. Nothing surprising, but was teased to death by Cornie and her fiance (is it one e or two?).
The term "DUMBINATION" came up.
(WHAT?! SPELLCHECK DIDN'T DETECT THAT WORD AS AN ERROR?)
I'm going to DUMBINATE the world. w00h00. I cracked up for about ten minutes on that subject... Laughter about eggs, and cashews and walnuts. How very entertaining. In all seriousness though, they brought up a good point. I CAN DOMINATE THE WORLD... one kid at a time. I'm going to be influence hundreds of kids!
You can say I'm unqualified because I am. But I feel so ready. This is it, man. Every practicum I do, I feel more and more pumped. More and more ready and up for it. I can't wait to get out there and have my own class and and and.... dumbinate them! I haven't really shared my thoughts on the Grade 4 placement I had this year, which is a shame because it was probably one of my favourite experiences in a classroom. I miss the kids wholeheartedly. I learned a ton from my host teacher too. Miss R. Najman, an intimidating, fun loving, and superbly awesome teacher. She has so much experience and has given me her resources without holding back.
When I stood in front of that class and read with them, mathed with them, social studied, poetried with them... I felt like I was standing in front of a bunch of sponges soaking up every single one of my words. They were little SpongeBobs and Bobbettes. (I really have mental issues, you're thinking.) But the imagery sticks! THEY WERE SOAKING UP EVERY WORD. And if you squeeze them.... they become....... like.......... oh they don't really dry up... hm that makes no sense... You get the point! That's why I love kids. (Oh crap, some prof in one of my conEd courses told us not to compare kids to sponges... but I don't remember why........................)
I need to stop blabbering.
My brother's birthday was yesterday. It's almost miraculous how fast and how much he's grown. I'm so scared of life. He's so youthful. 13. It's not a good age (oh, how cynical). He has lots coming for him though. So here I'll just say, glad I knew you for a little over 13 years and here's a toast to your birthday. Age. I'm afraid of time, but at the same time, I'm fascinated. I want to stop growing.
Speaking of age, happy birthday to my longtime friend Twiggy who probably never reads this anyway. Hope we keep making memories woman. It's been way too long. (I do miss her a lot...)
Anyway, adieus my friends. I'll blog again when I'm there. Sure it'll be.... interesting. Thanks for the plane letters by the way. Appreciate 'em. :)
dewa, ja ne~
or should I say *in a British accent* so long... farewell... au revior auf weidersehen
P.S. I must mention my best friend here who I've been speaking to about this trip for many many months now. It's been great, now it's finally here. Can't wait to see her grad after 3 long, difficult years. Can't wait to see how she's been living her life.
Friday, June 05, 2009
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I Believe I Can Fly // 11:52 am
Person 1: What do you want me to sing?
Person 2: Sing us anything.
Person 1: Should I sing the fly song? The I believe I can... The "fly" song?
Person 2: Oh whatever you want, give us whatever you want... I know the mosquito song... the bee song the A song....
Person 3: Oh just give us the fly!
HAHA Igudesman and Joo - beautiful flying song.
