talking of Michaelangelo.
Monday, November 30, 2009
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poison // 1:21 am
Pretend to be pretending,
you can fool a lot of people.
You might even fool yourself.
Pretend to be pretending,
the poison seeps in slower.
You might even die slower.
Pretend to be pretending,
inside it's just... vapid.
Spread.
Dislike. Hate. Poison. Anger. Red.
Fire. Poison. Janus. Janus. Janus.
Vapid.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
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soma // 3:53 pm
Addiction to bananas.
Attachment to nothing.
Afraid, so afraid.
Vapid, vapid, you vapid thing. Vapid.
not content, you can't run or hide.
You let it consume you, like dirt over your head
, not above water.
not good enough, and Something died.
Vapid, you vapid thing. Vapid.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
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// 3:52 pm
掩耳盜鈴 seems pretty foolish but when push comes to shove...
I can do it, I can trick myself into thinking that and then slowly it'll dwindle and I can do away with it. I hate performative social whatevers.
You don't really care.
I'm different and thats all that mattered or matters to you.
So now that I am gone, you can breathe again.
Stop calling me a drama queen, I'm actually hurting.
I need to block out the white noise.
Once again, get the f out of my life.
-
// 2:37 pm
Please get the f*** out of my life if you don't give a damn about me.
Monday, November 16, 2009
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// 1:29 pm
To my mama: thanks for teaching me how to blow out my candles on my birthdays. Thanks for sitting by me, always, even though you might not understand.
To my baba: thanks for pulling me up every time I fall, for picking me up when I'm tired, for reminding me how much I take things for granted.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
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// 6:10 am
Not the first f#$%ing time she walked out like that. Damn it. So damn hard to not let the tears run.
Damn it.
My birthday wish is NEVER going to come true.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
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stop thinking // 11:23 pm
mere coincidence? deliberate stirring of emotions (fat chance, unlikely)?
Exhaustion.
I hate those people outside my window and on my room. They bang and bang like they're trying to puncture my soul.
Ew.
They wake me and I need sleep.
The life of a student isn't a pretty one.
Monday, November 09, 2009
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music be the food of love // 2:02 pm
Goodness, thoughts alone can drive one insane.
Or one can easily drive oneself insane.
Insanity is just the brink of sanity and so I am on this brink.
It's impossible to rid myself of this not-so-stranger I keep thinking of. I can't purge my thoughts of him. He's like ink that can't be blotted out. Or some sort of contaminant that's taking over. Basically it's like choking on chemicals and I don't even know where it's from.
I'm stupid. But then again, we all are. I've fallen off the brink of normalcy long ago anyway, might as well fall of this other brink.
I just don't want to turn into an idiot and hide in my corner of the world and rot with moldy thoughts of a stranger who doesn't know of my existence.
OBDURATE
Saturday, November 07, 2009
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special occasions // 2:59 pm
(No progress made.)
Following movies that will be played every year:
Nov. 5th - V for Vendetta
Dec. 25th - Love Actually
Any other suggestions?
Friday, November 06, 2009
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tracking progress // 3:15 pm
... as of 2:30am, 6th of November
WH: 17/34 = 161/288 = 55.9% done
NA: 10/31 = 49/187 = 26.2% done
VIL: 12/42 = 115/496 = 23% done
Will keep posting. I need something to keep me reading and... not stop. Accountability, yes. It helps I think.
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
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501 // 11:41 pm
Wow, I wasted my 500th post on insomnia.
That's just... sad. Oh well, there will be better times as Alfun says.
The wedding was beautiful. I bawled my eyes out... the day after. Which is so weird.
V is coming up... I can't wait. It's my 5th time watching it and the 4th year of this tradition of doing in on Nov. 5th.
Guy Fawkes... revolution. Rile it up! :)