If you are a dreamer, come in,
If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar,
A hope-er, a pray-er, a magic bean buyer...
If you're a pretender, come sit by my fire
For we have some flax-golden tales to spin.
Come in! Come in!... for where the sidewalk ends. - Shel Silverstein

These fragments I have shored against my ruins. - T.S. Eliot

ren-ka // alias. karrot,kawun
dob.11.10.

I live in a world where
lobster and corn can be very
good friends.

. email .

i have known the eyes already
songs: Strokes
tvb: dinner at 8
kvariety: nil
kdrama: ryeo
twdrama: love O2O
anime: nil
book: Moveable Feast Ernest Hemingway
website: moonbeard
website: stumble
headache: the boy

about the layout
Credits to magnette from blogskins.com, mods made by me.
Lots of it is inspired by T.S. Eliot's Hollow Men and Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock.

- 2013 eve // 7:19 pm

Welcome to a new year.

Resolutions for 2012 pretty much failed...
though I did laugh, I did cry harder.

I wrote it down on a little blue napkin, in 2013, the resolution is to be happy. Maybe simply happiness isn't exactly my goal, I guess it should be one step further than gratefulness.

1. Contentness, it starts with gratefulness.

Only one. One step at a time.

Who knows where I'm going to be or what I choose to do or be this year or if I will be able to run a good run but all I can hope for is to love harder, and think more considerately, be more empathetic. Go back to my roots, my caring roots. Rather than be selfish. If I were to sum up my 2012, it would be more like I was moping about myself, letting the world spin around me. It needs to change.

Another reminders for this year: deliberate ignorance and or denial is irresponsibility.

five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes, how will I make this year count?




- 525600 minutes // 11:28 pm

How should I measure this year?

Who should I be?
I need to change and be changed. Need to be purged and renewed by those around me. Learn and be humble. Don't worry about taking risks.

Use youth to your advantage. Choose love first?




- cleansing // 10:56 pm

The air feels different.

Down deep in the water, alone, away from the world, there is silence, (not even the sound of summer cricket chirp). Like in a womb, someone had quoted to me before. But at first it hits you this ringing, silence was not silence but a reverberating sound. Slowly you can feel it more, you can strip away more of what the world has tainted you with.

You want to be that girl again, small and naive, but in all directions you're pushed to care less, you're broken and hurt by words or the lack thereof. And you wanted to give up. Who was that, once loveable, once whose laughter came easy and smooth, once who opened her heart to love so easily? Will you find her again? Can you laugh as easily now? 

Pressing the refresh button, but change comes slowly.
Regress to progress? Go back to move forward?

You can see the stars in the dark calmness here, you can breath them and throw them. In this warm home away from home... we laugh so naturally. Like an adopted one, treated so generously, like their own. A foreigner coming to a foreign home.

Westail home, cozy and warm Christmas, not white Christmas, but lots of gentle smiles, a heated bed, corn soup in the morning and lots of fried chicken and cleansing. (How can I begin to divulge the warmth and the twinkly eyes?)

Real cleansing. Don't take this away from me. This is how I can come back to myself. This is where I need to be. Otherwise, I'll lose me and I'll lose me for good.

This is taking one step back, to take two steps forward.

Sleep is good, silence is good.
Letting thoughts flow in then out, good.

This is how it should be.
You can be her again.

Merry Christmas eve.




- feeling all sorts of green red and gold // 9:14 am

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas...
but the weather outside is too frightful.

I want to go away.

"The journey is the reward."

?

... But, where are we going?

We are all alone. In this damned place. Some heartless god coincidence of a mistake. Left to spin out of control. People killing, people dying. The world is ending. The world has ended. Everything was a mistake.

We're all alone in this dark, cold place.

Give in, give up, but lose with eloquence.




- tinkly piano // 7:20 pm

... coming from the ceiling. Feels like little colour droplets.

Feel like I live in a carousel.
I guess that doesn't go anywhere either.




- Mrs. Chow's home ec classes // 11:11 am

I'm taking a course, the most informal one possible where I'm being taught Deco 101, Sewing Machine 101 - Advanced Sewing Machine Techniques, Chinese Cooking 101. Actually I'm like a jack of all trades but I'm not exactly bad but not exactly good at everything... Hm... it's fun though. Really fun :)




- bronze girl // 4:09 pm

I'm beginning to think everything I do is just a little bit Bronze.




- re-quote // 8:14 pm

love Albus Dumbledore for this quote,

"Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?"

aaron.
alvsze.
dani.
helen.
jon yu.
kawai.
linda.
mike.
ness.
peas and duck.
sally.
sam.
steph.
twiggers.

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